i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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