Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
