Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
