We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
