it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
