I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
