in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
