I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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