I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize