I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
