Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize