Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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