he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
