I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Holy sore nipples Batman
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
