That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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