I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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