No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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