Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
