Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
