at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
