If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The adults are the big ones right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
