Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
