it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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