gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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