Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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