from now on my penis is your penis
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
