Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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