the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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