I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
