My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dick has a subreddit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
