The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
