the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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