I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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