I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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