i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
