if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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