ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
