I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
