I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
