Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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