Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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