there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
