Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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