VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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