I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
