Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize