its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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