tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
