I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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