I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
