do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
