Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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