there's paper in my vomit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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