Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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