the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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