I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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