it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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