Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
