my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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