I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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