My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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