for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
