my phone needs a breathalizer
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
