I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
