I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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