nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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