i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
