i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
