never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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