im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
