Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
