People with herpes should wear stickers.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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