I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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