it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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