i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
