We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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