I just saw a hot homeless man
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
