Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
