I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
