ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
