He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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