I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
