I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
