so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
