i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
