So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
