Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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