Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
