Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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