she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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