i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
