i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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