so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize