So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
