Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
