she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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