dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
