I need help removing her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
PANTIES FOUND
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