Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
