finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
