And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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