ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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