i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize