I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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