omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
