Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
